Pomp and/or Circumstance

Happy Graduation

So, I was researching Clint Eastwood's tenure as the mayor of Carmel -- where, in 1986, he doubled voter turnout, won 72.6% of the vote and made both "Heartbreak Ridge" and "Bird" During his term -- I also learned that Arnold "It's not a tumor" Schwarzenegger just fired him from the State Parks and Recreation Committee. Are you seriously going to fire Harry Callahan and think you're not going to get a .44 slug to the head? I couldn't find an official reason why he got sacked, which means that I'm allowed to make one up. You heard it here first, people. Gov. Schwarzenegger fired Clint Eastwood for being too much of a badass.

In conclusion -- CAGE MATCH:

vs.

WINNER: Obviously Eastwood. Fucking, duh. Any man who can survive Jessica Walters in "Play Misty for Me" deserves, like, two dicks or something.

Because I'm Blonde

My fellow Bruce compatriot at Salon went to see Dolly Parton last night at Radio City, where she put forth amazing Dolly-isms such as, “Someone told me I should run for president. I said, don’t you think that we’ve had enough boobs in the white house?”

She also, apparently talked about her charities, which number in the ridiculous. Check out "Dolly Parton's Book-Giving Charity: You Can Read a Lot Into It" from the Washington Post a couple years ago.

For fuck's sake, look at this:

· Paying for college scholarships in Sevier County since the 1970s. She currently provides $60,000 a year in scholarships at the county's high schools.

· Starting the nonprofit Dollywood Foundation in 1988 to promote education in the mountains where she grew up.

· Addressing the area's dropout rate with a program that promised seventh- and eighth-graders a $500 check upon high school graduation if they stayed in school and did everything they could to encourage a classmate to also stay.

· Donating $100,000 in 1997 for a birthing unit at the local hospital so residents wouldn't have to drive to Knoxville to deliver their babies.

· Providing funds to schools for computers, teacher's assistants and supplies.

· Opening the Dollywood amusement park in 1986, which, as the state's top tourist attraction, employs 2,200 and bolsters the local tax base.

Not to mention the fact that she sends a book a month to every child in Tennessee from the time they are born to the time they are five.

Damn, girl.

Plus, look at those ta-tas.



God Bless America.