So, I was researching Clint Eastwood's tenure as the mayor of Carmel -- where, in 1986, he doubled voter turnout, won 72.6% of the vote and made both "Heartbreak Ridge" and "Bird" During his term -- I also learned that Arnold "It's not a tumor" Schwarzenegger just fired him from the State Parks and Recreation Committee. Are you seriously going to fire Harry Callahan and think you're not going to get a .44 slug to the head? I couldn't find an official reason why he got sacked, which means that I'm allowed to make one up. You heard it here first, people. Gov. Schwarzenegger fired Clint Eastwood for being too much of a badass.

In conclusion -- CAGE MATCH:

vs.

WINNER: Obviously Eastwood. Fucking, duh. Any man who can survive Jessica Walters in "Play Misty for Me" deserves, like, two dicks or something.